college roomie Tale – Advice to my biggest boomcat

My biggest boomcat is 20 now, a college student just finishing her sophomore year, and a kick-butt one at that. Unlike myself, she chose college before babies. I chose the reverse route. Nonetheless, like her mama, she has a knack for attracting drama. Of course. Why wouldn’t she?  

In any event, since my college days consisted of community college, with babies aged 5 months and 3 years in tow, I did not have the true college experience with campus living and all.  Soooo, sometimes I have a bit of trouble relating. I particularly have difficultly relating when it comes to roommates. First of all, what’s a roommate? I’ve never had a roommate.  Just baby-daddy-husbands. Not quite the same thing.

Yet, she phones me weekly, sometimes in tears with drama. I try to be understanding but also explain, I am not an expert in this department. I tell her I have never had issues getting along with the people I have lived with. “Well sure you have Mommy” she reminds me, “Didn’t you jack daddy out of your car with both feet when you were 8 months pregnant with Trevor?” Ohhhh ya. I remember now, after he called me a fat bitch and a slew of other names. I know ALL about that sort of drama, and mine was especially dark in that department. But I mean, if no one is kicking in doors, is that really drama?

Anyway, I don’t quite get this “you drank my mouthwash” or “don’t eat my yogurt” or “my shampoo is missing” or “I am hiding the toilet paper” kind of nonsense. Therefore, I was more than relieved to hear that there is actually someone on campus living in the dorms who is called an “Area Coordinator” whose job is to help these catty ladies get along. Fascinating. I was actually quite pleased to learn this is part of what my hard-earned dollars are paying for, and wondered how much it would cost to contract one to come live in my area and help us deal with the crazy lady on our street.

Back to my boomcat. So she would call quite frequently about one of the roommates. Again. I am baffled. I am also jealous considering her apartment suite is bigger than my condo. So I start making suggestions, “Why don’t you just go into your room?” or “Have you tried ignoring her?” Finally, she tells me it is coming  to the point where it may actually result in a physical altercation where punches may be thrown by this girl. Thus, I feel I must give my VERY best advice:

First of all, I do not condone physical violence. Also, I am a lady and I never punch. Even when a “friend” came to my front door once throwing punches at me, I still did NOT punch. I did however grab her by the back of  her hair, yank her down the steps, and laugh as she picked herself up from my front walk.

So perhaps this is one instance where Mama does not know best. Please see the Area Coordinator for further assistance.

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