gym Tale – lil’ boomcat and the PE teacher

My little boomcat was Sweet Sixteen when she began her sophomore year of High School.

When I say sweet, I mean sweeter than the sweetest honey. She is the epitome of innocence which makes the following Tale all the more astounding.

I was at work when the phone rang the first week of school. It was the Adjustment Counselor calling from my daughter’s High School. I love these Adjustment Counselors. No ~really ~ I do…they even have them at my older daughters college to help all the catty girls get along and I cannot imagine what a challenge THAT must be!

Anyway, this woman on the phone says she has some news for me about my daughter. “What?!?” I ask, quickly scanning my brain wondering what my darling child could have possibly done at school. Mind you I already know my child does not utter a single word on the school bus, nor all day long during academic classes, but only during Cosmo Session with the very outgoing girls.

So now I am told my angelic, Honor Roll student, who has never even stopped at her locker – didn’t even know where her locker WAS until February of this year – carries her books ALL day long – for fear she will be late for class has SKIPPED a freakin’ class the first week of school. She went on to say the Dean they decided not to call her into the office or give her a detention since it was so out of  her character, but that my daughter would, of course, receive a zero for the missed class.

Still in shock, I swiftly log onto the school website and see, sure enough, she has a big numero zero for her very first gym class.  I thank the school for calling and sweat it out the rest of the day, waiting for her to get home so I can call her from my office – aka the shower stall in the ladies locker room at work – since NO I do not have an office.

Finally, she is home and I call her from my cell to inquire about her skipping a class. “Mommy,” my daughter tells me earnestly, “I went to every class today.” I can feel my face getting hot, but I don’t yell.  Not yet.  She sounds so, well, honest.  So then I say, “Can you clear something up for me?” I continue on about the phone call I had received from the school and that she had missed PE class. She tells me, “I promise you, I did go to gym class today.” Phew! I am relieved. “Ok great, there MUST be some mix-up! I will have to call the school back and tell them.” Oh no, but wait, she is not done, “I went to LAST year’s gym teacher who has a class at the same time because I heard this man gym teacher is  mean.”

Did I mention my angelic child is also PRICELESS?

Now the yelling on my part begins until I note that the acoustics in the shower in the ladies locker room at work are fabulous. Too fabulous.  So I start speaking in a very low, sharp tone which is actually the most effective way I have of getting my point across to my children (I also hiss by the way).  I tell her I don’t care if he is  mean. I strongly, very strongly if- she-wants-to-keep-her-phone-suggest she go see him, apologize, and ask if she can make up the class after school.

She does see the teacher. He allows her to make up the class, thank goodness.

However, as the term moves on she confirms to me the rumors are actually true. He is horrible and mean. Oh my! When I ask her to elaborate on the horrible and mean she tells me:  He speaks too loudly in class and is always throwing balls at her.

Ummm, ya, it’s gym class right? When she dodges balls, he tells her she’d better pray he doesn’t give her a zero for the day. Oh, and the other offense? He is always wearing a sweat-suit. lmao! This girl kills me. She also adds and I quote, “If  he ever wears shorts, I will legit freak-out and never go to his class again!” Well ok then. I was not particularly concerned.  I tell her I only expect her to show up and give it her all.  I am however, prepared to meet an ogre in nasty ol’ sweats at the Open House.

My, my, my, was I in for a surprise on Open House night. When I enter the library where the PE teachers had set up shop, scanning the room I thought, for sure, I MUST be in the wrong place because there was no ogre here. Oh heck no! There was however one fine Young Buck rocking a form-fitting Adidas sweat-suit. Oh, and before you start calling me Mrs. Robinson, he is in his thirties, so it’s ok for Mama to eye the candy. I seat myself right at the front table. Just so I can hear better of course.

He begins his presentation. Ahh, and this is when my mind starts wandering.

I don’t care about what sports he teaches. All I can think about is all the sports I want to watch him play in his Adidas sweat-suit. Soccer, Basketball, Football, Volleyball, Lacrosse.  Ya buddy. I do catch bits and pieces of the curriculum. After school policy? Sure, I want to stay after school. I’ll do the extra credit. The bell rings (yes it really does ring at Open House) and I snap out of it. I grab my stuff, and get ready to move on to my lil’ boomcat’s next class.

It is at this moment I notice my mother, who has accompanied me to the Open House has started chatting him up.  She is smiling, and HE is smiling, and they are discussing how Lacrosse originated in Costa Rica. Uh-huh, ya. Go on Mom!

Several months later, when I see his quizzes are far more challenging than the mid-term exams in U.S. World History II, Algebra II or Geometry to the point my straight A student, becomes an all A and one B student because of Gym Class of course I no longer care how good he looks in his Adidas Gym Suit.

Perhaps I should have paid closer attention to the curriculum;)

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