proud Tale – Is it Wrong?

Question? Is it Wrong of me to be proud of the qualities my children may have inherited from me – Good or Bad?

Take for instance my son’s “tell it like it is” philosophy.

Like the time I was strolling through the grocery store and he asked why I was going to Zumba Class again when I should be home with him. I explained it is to keep fit. He replied, “Hey Mom -the Zumba- it’s not working. You’ve been going,  for what, a year now right? You haven’t lost any weight yet, so it’s time to step it up!” While my mouth was still hanging WIDE open he strolled over to a rack of DVDs which just happened to be in the produce section of Shaw’s and added, “You need to start working out with your boyfriend again (aka Billy Blank) -remember him?” With that he dropped “Taebo Express”  into my Shopping Cart.

 That’s MY little buddy.

Or how about Mini-Me?

Barely speaks above a whisper in public. Nonetheless she is starting to exhibit  my snarky-sarcasm. Such as when we pulled up to a gathering once, and she sighed loudly. “Is something wrong?,” I asked. She responded,  “My wish didn’t come true, I was hoping ‘‘The Beast” wouldn’t be here today.”  Oi!!!  Her lastest-greatest? Repeatedly muttering “Abracadabra! Oh, you’re still here?” whenever she is annoyed with someone. Myself included.

Ya so I’m pretty impressed with my kids.

Is it Wrong?

Daily Drama – Hamster Cannibalism

Reposting this Tale in Honor of my son’s hamster Hannibel…(formerly known as Blaze until my Bad Ass Dad renamed him after the following tale)…Sadly, Hannibel passed away this morning.

According to the Pet Store the two gents my son was given as birthday gifts, Chinese Hamster Dwarfs (unlike many rodent species), would live in together in perfect harmony so long as they were raised together as babies.  And they did.  For two years.

Until Friday morning.

Apparently Blaze woke up and decided, “f – it! I don’t like you today,” and ate his roommate Albert. I knew something was wrong because when I did the dreaded Hamster Wellness Check they were awake and these mother-truckers are nocturnal.

Let me rephrase. I thought they were awake and that Blaze was on top of Albert. It wasn’t until my son and I lifted the cover to get a closer look  that we discovered he was actually gutting Albert head first. Yup!

And this Hamster would not be deterred. Generally moving the cage will cause these critters to run for cover. Nope. I tried poking him with a pencil. No dice. My son was sick to his stomach so I had move to the cage to the kitchen. Downstairs with two crying kids I knew it was time for me to take charge, so I started saying STOP:

Hamster stop eating Hamster. Kids stop saying you are traumatized for life. Dogs stop running around the cage in a tribal circle.

Effective? Eh, well Blaze did take little breaks from chowing on Albert to spin the wheel, but quickly jetted back to the body. And since I didn’t think Hamster Cannibalism would qualify as a reason for calling out of work, I had to leave.

That is, after calling my Bad Ass Dad who agreed to come over and extract Blaze from feeding on Albert. We also explained to my son, the truth is, rodents are solitary animals (no matter what the Pet Store said) so whether they had a fight or Albert was sick or dying, Blaze was only doing what was in his nature.

My son reports Blaze is much happier now, and even licked his hand today.  Ewwwe;)

jr. Tale – Apple meet Tree

Although I fondly refer to my 21 year-old daughter as drama jr., I often wish it wasn’t so…but the truth is, she is just like me.

Sometimes it is uncanny. So let’s just say I was not at all surprised last night to get the following series of rapid Facebook Chat messages regarding her displeasure over the less than stellar efforts put forth by some on a group project for a class where she is a Jr at UNE Westbrook Medical Campus in Portland, Maine:

– drama jr: 

i have to do this whole fricken project and it is due tomorrow and they wait til the last minute for everything. 

one girl is like, ill just do my portion tomorrow am at 4 am!!!!!!  

wuttt?!!! noooo you wont. 

omg!!!

ahah i was tempted to send u wut my partner wrote and wut the directions say so u could see wut im dealing with. but i gave her some suggestions and she added them in. of course i had to make a few more additional edits cuz im anal.
–  me:  Well I am glad it is done! I am so tired, and this diet is gross. Like Nasty!

AND THE NEXT EVENING

– drama jr.:

omg so part one of our group paper we got a 76. 

why?! cuz those idiots didn’t answer the questions correctly but my part was good 

but the teacher is letting this group that got a 75 redo theirs so my partner and i re-did ours and left it in her mailbox

 .

i also emailed her.. do u think this sounds good to send to her?  (sends me copy of e-mail she’d sent the Professor rallying support for her group and kindly requesting  they have a second chance)

– me:  Why the letter, cause these chics can’t get their act together?

– drama jr.: yea dude, i am not  accepting a f-ing 76 in the easiest class i have!!! 

– me:  Oh wow!

– drama jr.: 

ughh they wrote a paper using we, our, me, my friend…

noooooooooooo!!!

the only time you put yourself in a paper is when you’re stating your opinion. and one of these girls has a degree in journalism!!! 

 shes 29 and already has her associates.. like how the f did u make it through school with a writing degree?!

*******************************************************************************************************************

 

Uh-huh. Apple meet Tree.

Daily Drama – Break Week

Are we really sure it is Break Week from school again already?  We are? Ok.  And ya, somehow I managed to get myself 5 days off in a row. Not even sure how my boss let that happen, but I am seriously considering reporting myself back to work. Today.

It’s not that my kids don’t like to hang out with me.

Actually let’s be honest here. My son doesn’t. He gives no shits. I literally have to go up to his mini-man cave to ask him what he is doing, and each time he sounds mildly highly annoyed I am even checking in. That is until the sun goes down, and he quizzes me as to “what time” I’ll be back from dance class.

Hey at least Mini-Me likes to kick it with me.

Sometimes. 

After about a day I can tell she is getting bored with Mom. She won’t harass me exactly, but will just annoy the ever-living-daylights out of me in her quiet but persistent way. Usually it involves some sort of examination of the dogs (ie. nipple counting). Or this time, she reported how Bosco has a belly-button (with lint included), but Layla does not. For some reason I found this highly nauseating. I don’t think my diet-soy-chalk shakes are helping matters much either. Of course this only allowed Mini-Me to segway into another topic. My churning stomach, and why don’t I try Jenny Craig?  Thankfully she actually found a friend awake at 9:30 AM and was able to find some true enjoyment.

Sooo I am actually looking forward to the meeting today with the Church Worship Committee Chair after I had booked it out of the last meeting early announcing I had a Dance Class to get to, which was fact not fiction. However this Sunday she caught up with me and advised a one-on-one on my next day off would be a good idea to ensure I am “clear” on the flowers for Easter.

Me, not clear on flowers? Whatever gave you that idea? 

Daily Drama – Simple Equation

As a result of me enjoying some sweet treats my children were so kind to give as stocking stuffers this year I discovered one Simple Equation:

Sugar Babies + Raisinets = Crown Removers

My son however, could not understand why I was not excited “I’d lost a tooth” since now the Tooth Fairy would visit. I explained to him this was not the case for adults. I did not however mention the major cash I will be dropping to get this bad boy recemented, nor the certain trauma I’ll face with another stand-off with Mr. Thirsty at the Dentist’s office. I also told my son I most certainly could NOT be seen in public missing a tooth.

“Why?,” he asked, “I do it all the time.” Then he added, “You can’t even see it even when you smile, and it’s not like Inspector Gadget (is this guy really still around?!?) is going to be looking in your mouth.” Point taken.

TDecMissingTooth Don'tFrown

So I guess I won’t frown about the missing crown.

party Tale – Post holiday Show

My kids kicked off a post Holiday show which began on Christmas Day and the party has been non-stop ever since.

Mini-Me wanted to model all her new clothing for me, cracking jokes the entire time:  At a pair of  jeans which were a tad too short for her long, thin legs she shrugged and said, “Well I guess I can wear these as capris.” Seeing herself in the faux-fur vest I was certain she would be thrilled with, she announced she looked like, “Fresh-kill.”  She added some kids at school wear “cats” on their feet so perhaps she could wear a “bear” although it would “freak her out.” LOL! She may be ever quiet,  but definitely inherited some of her mother’s sarcastic humor.

I the most entertained by her reaction to the Vera Bradley bag which I had carefully considered before purchasing. She had fantasized at having one for years, but I had told her there were just too expensive. Finally, I found a pattern on sale which I thought was perfect for her. So I ensured I bought her two pieces -one being the very biggest bag in the collection as she spends at least 30 minutes each morning before school trying to shove all of her ‘”stuff” into her book bag.

Well apparently, it is SO large she can nearly fit into it. She demonstrated this for me, or alternately showed me how she can hide behind it…or even bust her way onto the school bus for a seat now.

She kept shouting, “COMING THROUGH!”

ComingThru

Also, my father had warned me on Christmas Day *not* enter my son’s room as it resembled a “mini-man-cave” with a sign on the door reading “Do Not Disterb”. Thus far I have heeded this warning, although Bosco has opted to hang in the cave with his bone. Mini-Me, aka “The Informer” who was in charge of watching little brother while I worked from home yesterday, advised me he was up there mixing some bubbly potion with the Chemistry set which had “real elements” she’d read on the box.

What the what?!? “Who gave him that gift?,” I asked. “Santa,” she replied. Seriously? Well apparently Santa was very tired while she shopping this year. So I summoned my boy to head down to my “office” where he announced he has transformed into “Mad Scientist.” Pissa. 

MadScientest

When I heard him hop in the shower at 11PM last night I did not comment.

I just hope we make it through this week without setting the roof off up in here.

eve Tale – Merry Christmas

~ If this is a Holiday you do celebrate, a very Merry Christmas to you and yours ~

Beautiful Poinsettias adorn the  Church Altar Manger Scene

ChurchPoints

 

Daily Drama – Time to Shop

It’s precisely 14:23 on 12/23 and things are actually beginning to look like Christmas around  here. Yup!

Tree

I suppose it is Time to Shop now.

This realization didn’t quite hit until my son’s best bud stopped yesterday afternoon. I call for him to come on in. He started off by staying he had a gift he for my son his mom said he needed leave under our tree. Then I noticed his voice fell silent.

He was probably shocked at the sight of me straddling two chairs in my living room, panting and grunting, while attempting to dismember an angel from the star with which usually sits atop our LIVE tree -but that I discovered was too heavy for the “step above a Charlie Brown” Christmas Tree I picked up from Target on Friday night. I paused for a breath, motioned for him to  leave the little guy’s gift on a nearby chair and said, “You can go upstairs and play with Trev, sorry we don’t have your present yet. I am just a tad behind and haven’t started shopping yet, so we’ll be getting your gift tomorrow.”

He replied, “That’s ok. My dad is behind with his shopping this year too.”

Great kid!

holiday Tale – “What’s Going on Here?”

Tonite my sweet Mini-Me  shoved her brand new Samsung phone in face with her calendar displayed announcing, “Yup, just 5 more days until Christmas,” then turned to ask her little brother if he was” fine” with having a “Charlie Brown tree” since we have no tree at all yet.  Next, she tortured me by blasting the entire holiday album by the none other than “The Biebs” until I shouted, “Whoever bought you that phone is going take it back if you don’t knock the volume down!”

“What’s Going on Here? No decking of these halls, that’s for sure.

No tree? No problem. My usual OCD-panic alarms haven’t even sounded off. I figure so long as the tree is up before Santa arrives- it’s all good. The rest of the stuff can stay in the box this year. My mind is on more important things. Christmas really isn’t about the decorations anyway. Fortunately, my kids truly do understand.

Mini-Me sent this from her phone as I sat writing:)

CBXmasTree

Hey, at least I was notified today by my office as to what exactly I am serving for Christmas dinner. Good thing, since I cannot remember shit, including what I had selected for the annual company gift – a turkey or ham. Turns out, not only did I select the turkey, I selected it for one of our office buildings I don’t even work at. I wonder if they have had that happen before. EVER. Fortunately someone was kind enough to deliver it for me. Later in the day, one of my staff snickered and announced, “Your Turkey has arrived.” 

I am starting to wonder how long this “Not Giving a Rat’s Ass” feeling is going to last, but I wasn’t even mildly concerned when my daughter informed me right before she headed to bed, “Mommy I want to tell you, Bosco just had a field day licking your favorite shoes.”

Hmmm. Not sure what to make of that one. I suppose it is better than the time I woke up to him licking my toes.

Daily Drama – Handled with Care

Soooo the Worship Chair Committee Head called today to make sure the Poinsettias I had picked up for the Church today will be “ok” with me until Saturday, and proceeded to give approximately 9,000 detailed instructions as to how they should be Handled with Care.

Points

I did not take any offense to this. After all I did single-handedly manage to wilt two entire beautiful floral arrangements in weeks past. But I think I’ve got this one. Still, I could not not help myself but laugh and tell her, “Actually I was really worrying about my dogs being safe with all these Poinsettias around.” She asked if I had planned to put them up high. So I responded, “Of course I will keep them up high, but have you ever been to my house?” “No,” she replied.

“Well you really must come then,” I told her. “It is like the circus around here every night. My kids are always showing me new tricks, my male boxer Bosco walks on his front paws just like magic simply to avoid any shit in his way, and I have seen my ol’ Layla girl jump 5 feet trying to catch a fly.”

-and that’s no lie.

TDogTricks